Plucked and Plonked: a transporter malfunction
by SetPhasers2Stun
Summary: What is a bookish, specky, couch potato-ish time traveler/ scholar mage to do when, in midst of applying science to magic, she is whisked to the 23rd century by a transporter affected by previously undetected anomalies."
1. Chapter 1

Plucked and Plonked: story of a transporter malfunction

Disclaimer: I own naught, save for my daydream alter ego Kimona and the time travel stuff :P…if I had magic, I would own star trek…wouldn't you? (more adventures to follow? perhaps...)

A/N this is unbetaed…if there is interest, I will search for one :D~ setphasers2stun, _oh yeah! Onwards, HO!_

What is a bookish, specky, couch potato-ish time traveler/ scholar mage to do when, in midst of applying science to magic, she is whisked to the 23rd century by a transporter affected by previously undetected anomalies." The Enterprise has a stowaway on board, and no one knows what to do.

The transporter started its power down sequence, an unknown chubby Indian female in couch duds is left behind staring at the surprised techs.

"Of course, the most sensible thing to do is…(sudden inspiration) do that slingshot time travel thingy you do on the show, and send me back to my point in Time," said Kimona as she tried to ignore the dumbstruck looks on the transporter operator's face.

"Yeah...most people would want to spend time with this awesome crew in an equally spectacular future point in Time, but there iss simply too much at risk!" reasoned Kimona as she continued to wait for someone to break the awful, ever growing silence. "Hopefully, no one will throw me in the brig…, I didn't ask to come here!" wailed Kimona silently in her head.

"Okay, that has to be the weirdest thing anyone has ever said after transporting onboard this ship," a man, (Kirk obviously, the man has blue eyes…just like the movie!), spoke up from what appeared to be a doorway out of the transporter room. "In case you were looking to meet their leader, that's me," continued Captain Kirk, flashing an easy megawatt grin.

"Clearly, there are no fourth walls aboard this Enterprise for the breaking…" mused the marooned, (off duty),time traveler.

"Fourth wall?" questioned a tall figure observing at the person still standing on the transporter platform.

"Oh, wow. Were I given to silly geeking out episodes I would prolly collapse from hyperventilation. However, as I am not, may I ask whether you are Mr. Spock of Vulcan?" inquired Kimona, looking surprised at how easily that left her face without dragging her down to a face-meet-transporter.

"Fascinating. Who are you and does this 'show' also have a 'Mr. Spock of Vulcan'? " continued the Vulcan, (obviously the same guy, eh: answer him!), cool as a cucumber.

"First off, the television show in question is Star Trek. Kirk's crew is pretty much the one everyone in the late 1960's all the way up to 1991 remembers, before Picard's crew is given a series. As for television's 'Spock,' well: yes. As for me I am Kimona, I am a time traveler/scholar mage, and I didn't ask to be plucked from my point in time and plonked on this transporter pad/platform. Also, before you ask about the time traveling and mage dealio,(can't believe I said that!), it would be easier for you to think me a witch, not unlike the ones that attend Hogwarts, only much cooler…so, yeah," rushed Kimona, the ease of speaking belying the horror-elation-business- shyness…rollercoaster inside.

"…," all personnel in the room, just looked at her.

"Riiiiight," started a smooth decidedly southern drawl from (!) Dr. McCoy in the corner, med scanner out and running. "Your scan makes you 100% human," he finishes.

"Ok, I guess bringing ideas on how to get me back are not going to help the process, but I was only trying to save time, so whether you believe me or not, I really must be _sent_ back for my Grounding to reset to normal. Also, explaining all that won't help, so don't ask if doing a psych profile," exasperated, Kimona, during the tirade, had changed her outfit from couch duds to jeans and a german club pullover.

"I dinnae know how you got here, but we'll do our best to send you back," said Mr. Scott

"Thanks very much, Mr. Scott , I'd trust you to jury rig a MRI machine," said Kimona. Mr. Scott tried to hide his surprise: she knew his name!

"So, this Star Trek's Captain Kirk, is the Captain hot?" queried Kirk.

"Eh, the original Captain was more my mom and aunt's era 'hot,' I think the new actor in the reboot was more the 'scoundrel turn scholar/scientist' that I prefer for that role," noted Kimona, having finally stepped off the transporter pad/platform. "Despite the intervention of his XO and CMO, he managed to get into a lot of trouble, many of which started with some alien female and her pheromones, or some such...thing."

"How do you know who is who on _this_ ship? Given how you only know the fake ones?" asked McCoy, curious and slightly offended that a mere show could possibly grasp all that is McCoy.

"Bones is what the captain calls you and you work in sick bay and wield hypo sprays with vengeance, is that right so far?" queried Kimona, almost hopefully. "And your drawl…," continued Kimona in her head.

"huh!" grunted McCoy, still skeptical. Kirk almost laughed.

"Well whatever you may think, just get me back. This is hardly a request as it is an order, my presence can screw up a lot for you, killing me won't change the fact that these things will happen and you know when they will because magic will be a better bet than the ship's phasers against them. While I can go back to 'visit' my own time, I won't be able to stay for long, as my magic will be affected," said Kimona with finality, the novelty of warping through space was quickly waning.

"Gosh, you're a bossy worrywart!" snarked a red shirted ensign, grinning.

"Wow, I hope you survive your next landing party Mr. Editorial," said Kimona sarcastically while moving to try the pneumatic door to rest of the ship. No one stopped her. (Yeah, that was harsh…he lived, so, yeah.)

The others followed her into the corridor, where security seemed to have convened nonchalantly, a few with confused expressions as a harmless, bored looking Indian girl wearing glasses, jeans and a pullover walked out of the transporter room. She didn't look more than mildly miffed at their presence, but had stopped to shoot an inquiring glance at the CO group exiting the room.

Kimona found herself assigned to quarters with the task of explaining the 'magic' and science behind her experiences that left their impressive transporter so unsurprising.

My Report on 'Magic':

While time travel is my specialty and is facilitated by integration of many forms of 'magic,' hence scholar mage, being plucked and plonked from one point in time to another affects Grounding enormously. Grounding is a phenomena used to describe the 'magical' equivalent to the more scientific dimensional frequencies. Dimensional frequencies are intrinsic in beings of a certain dimension, which allow that being to return to their own 'layer/colloidal mass' in the space-time continuum. That is, if, that being has means: 'magical' or scientific, to traverse the Ether that exists between the layers, and navigate or summon to the right spatial orientation a point where the Ether allows access to their own dimension's fabric of time-space continuum.

Although, it is accepted that there are no real distinctions between the 'layers,' it is also accepted that there exists tangible, orderly borders (space filled with Ether) between dimensions which are formed by the 'colloidal masses' which are separated, further,by differing frequencies, dubbed dimensional frequencies. As a scholar mage of magic, learning various magical forms and applying them for use in time travel, (an arguably scientific endeavor), learning your own dimensional frequencies, lest you get lost and your magic acts out during the simplest of spells, is very important.

Except, here, I have been 'plucked and plonked' from my point in time, without my leave, causing me to lose my Grounding to the new Grounding values that had replaced it, _and_ so replaced my dimensional frequency- which may be the same as this one only in Klingon! Or more believably, it may differ from my original in ways that don't allow a direct comparison: seeing as I don't know whether this part of the Timeline is separated by however many deviations from the Timeline trajectory that I originate from. Though I exaggerate, the unauthorized 'update' to my dimensional frequencies means that any attempt (magically) to remain in my original point in Time may stress and degrade the fabric of Time-Space, causing unnecessary anomalies that shouldn't be allowed to form. This restriction owing to the contractual nature of 'magic,' what deviation that occurs by matters other than what is recognized as 'magic,' cannot be undone by 'magic,' especially when a 'magically-inclined subject' is affected.

Also, despite the various methods of using 'magic,' in other dimensions, it has been in my experience that the methods can be learned and offer a more cohesive, but personal, understanding of what 'magic' is. However, I was attempting to elicit an eureka moment with some random sciencey lasers and microscopes when I was whisked away. So, there is no research available to properly explain what 'magic' is, scientifically.

End report-

"I'm pretty sure someone deleted that report. Oh well," thought Kimona to herself.

Dr. McCoy took the liberty to match her identity with civilian databases, and found her to be missing from 2012, all previous history recorded and stored.

The rest of the command crew managed to learn what she knew of them from the show, and were surprised to see the series for the first time. They were not happy with the portrayals—she had tried to warn them.

Of course, they managed to find a way to return Kimona...the transporter crew were getting antsy due to stories involving malfunctions and the hilarious results. Naturally, the Captain, Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy were not impressed by some of the, ahem, situations :P...

However, before being returned to her point in Time, Kimona had a question for Mr. Spock.

"Mr. Spock, what are the chances of Earth's first contact being a group of logical, peaceful, scientific, philosophical vegetarians with green blood, longevity , cute pointy ears and not interested in our planet? I mean, seriously, tell me—we lucked out didn't we?" (I like to think he had a smile on his face when I left :D lol). Later, Kimona

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	2. Chapter 2

A/N Vulcanblood betaed this… Thanks!

Disclaimer: still own nothing but the theory on magic and the silly Kimona …AAAAND my new star trek ringtone: every call is the beginning of a new TOS episode : )

Kimona (-OR- Enterprise 1701: A History)

"Guess who's baaack…" she asks rhetorically. The strange stick, still smoking from firing on the Klingon intruders was being brandished dramatically. Too dramatically. She was posing. (*facepalm*). Much to the dismay of surprised security personnel recovering from Klingon crossfire, their odd visitor from two-transporter-accidents-ago, had returned.

"Let me get the Chief on this," said a member of the group, backing away business-like to a comm-unit on the wall nearby. Apparently, with the Klingon intruders gone…to wherever she sent them… the security team had forgone the silly courteous cries of gratitude to straight-up suspicion. After all, she did cause the Klingon intruders to disappear.

"Chief of Security…_Giotto_?" inquired the visitor, looking just like a fangirl about to squeal in full-geek mode.

A member of the group shook their head sadly as they exchanged looks of empathy. While their Chief was pretty cool, going mushy before him was a bad move…he had training sessions to squish the mush out of anyone on his security team. So, no one answered her verbally, but she got the message and did some jumping jacks anyhow. Apparently this was part of her 'exercise regime' because now she was doing runner's stretches, poorly, but enthusiastically.

The hiss of pneumatic hatches sounded somewhere on the deck where the security team and the visitor were waiting. The entire security team reassembled as though for inspections. With little else to do, the visitor stood by trying to look less interesting or threatening. Prior to taking over the encounter with the Klingons, the security personnel were kicking butt and taking names, (that is until one of the intruders decided to lower the bar on dirty fighting)…except now, they were standing at attention, face lacking emotion…Chief Giotto must be a real scary guy. Naturally, our intrepid time traveler- scholar mage was secretly hoping to make him laugh…'cause laughing means they're in a good mood, which means no brig time.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Chief of Security Giotto, took note of the new intruder, but went up to his people for status reports. The new intruder had relaxed some…bad move. A ghost of a smile crossed his face as he dismissed his people.

"So, this wasn't our doing, how did you come aboard?" The question almost flew by the _visitor/intruder_ as she looked up to the scary calm of the Chief's face.

"Well, as I had explained before leaving: I can do magic. Time-travel is the main application of that ability," started Kimona, nervousness dissipating as the 'explain-myself' portion of a well-known litany was being recited.

"…And so, I thought, I've been here before, I can come back and observe this future with the same passive observational skills used when going into the past. Except, here there were Klingons, and they were all wearing red shirts…so I thought to help them out." Finished Kimona, the glazed look in her eye had cleared as she finished this current, adaptable portion of the familiar story.

"And, how long have you been aboard this ship without anyone knowing?" further questioned CSO Giotto, looking decidedly troubled.

"Well, I don't think it's a good idea to say, exactly…"petered off Kimona, looking unintentionally shifty and untrustworthy.

"Don't think." Came the curt reply from the CSO…

"Weeeelll, just see here…" started Kimona, getting kinda tired of being pushed around.

"I did help them when they were in a fix, should we not just let my unsupervised presence slide?" asked Kimona.

"Thank you for your help," returned CSO Giotto evenly.

"However," CSO Giotto started, cutting off whatever Kimona had to say. "We still need to know how long, and what information you have gathered, and for whom."

Kimona was suitably stunned.

Seriously, she was stunned, or more precisely, nerve pinched. Mr. Spock had arrived behind her and took her out during the third degree she was getting from CSO Giotto.

"Mr. Giotto, please call medical and have her taken to sickbay, then meet me in my office to further discuss this situation," with that, Mr. Spock was gone around the corner and away with the pneumatic hiss of the turbolift doors.

Chief Giotto sighed and called up the medical team to whisk away the intruder. As he waited for the team to arrive, he noticed a satchel tucked away in corner nearby. It was buzzing slightly. As the medical team took her away, he headed for his discussion with Mr. Spock, the satchel in his possession. As the turbolift closed, Chief Security Officer Giotto made an important note for one Dr. Leonard H. McCoy CMO to review.

"Medical response time needs improving."

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